The Marauders and a Drunken Lily
by Coeur De Lion
Summary: This is a story response to Destiny Phoenix's challenge. The Marauders and Lily get drunk in Hogsmeade. Includes Mexican Jumping Beans, girls chasing Remus and a very drunk Lily. Need I say more?


Aloha, Coeur De Lion speaking, I am responding to Destiny Phoenix's challenge. I thought it would be fun to write, so here it is. The guidelines were:  
  
1. Lily/someone as long as it isn't Snape or Malfoy  
  
2. Lily must be an exchange student from another country BESIDES America,  
  
France, Italy, and Canada.  
  
3. She CAN'T be perfect or top of everything and Miss Popularity.  
  
4. Remus can't be all shy  
  
5. There must be mention of some old rock song  
  
6. Someone must say the following lines:  
  
"WHAT? YOU HAVE CHEESE IN YOUR PANTS!"  
  
"LOOK AT ME I'M A FLYING EMU!"  
  
"PAMPERS!"  
  
"You're hot, would you like some fruity juice?"  
  
"FLYING SPANDEX!"  
  
"I love teddy bears!"  
  
7. A pig must make an appearance  
  
8. A prank on the whole school must be played.  
  
9. Peter MUST be part of the group and he can't be out sick or ANYTHING  
  
because he was part of the Marauders.  
  
10. A pair of bright neon green, orange, and pink boxers must appear.  
  
11. Rabid Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs chasing after Remus  
  
12. Lots and Lots of sugar and hyperness  
  
13. One word: CAFFINE  
  
14. Someone must mock Voldemort  
  
15. Mexican Jumping beans must make an appearance  
  
Here's my shot at it. I hope you like it, please read and review!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters, places and stuff belong to J.K. Rowling. The plot is mine, but some other stuff is taken from the challenge!  
  
Once upon a time, there was a little magical school called Hogwarts. Actually, it was a really big school, but that's not the point. This story focuses on five (and a few other) people that attended this magical school for magical people. Their names were Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, James Potter, and Lily Evans. These five were not friends when they started Hogwarts (with the exception of Black and Potter), but they were friends when they ended. Lily transferred in the other fours' third year, from Bulgaria. She spoke English also, though, as her parents worked for the British government. Only occasionally did she lapse into Bulgarian, mostly when she was angry or excited. This story begins in the five's seventh year.  
  
"Out of my way," Lily said as she stormed through the Gryffindor Common Room, cursing rapidly in Bulgarian (a.n is that the right language?). The frightened first years scampered out of her angry warpath. Though she was Head Girl, Lily had the typical red-head temper, or shall I say red-and-black-hair-temper? She had streaked her long, dark red hair with raven black to match her black lipstick and black outfits. She was not all sweet n' sugar, more like sugar (rarely) and spice. The teachers adored her brilliant mind, and how she picked up on magic so easily, but she terrified the students. Before she got to her dorm, however, she was sidetracked by a group of Marauders, the aforementioned Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and James Potter. (a.n Peter will be down in a sec)  
  
"Lily, Lily, Lily, why so angry?" Remus Lupin swung an arm around her casually. Lily's grimace turned into a grin.  
  
"Oh, I was just extremely pissed off at Snape and Malfoy. They were stalking me again, so I…erm… dealt with them."  
  
Sirius winced. "What'd you do this time?"  
  
"Let's just say, I forgot about being a witch and used my limbs that I like to call my fist and my knee."  
  
"Ouch." It was James' turn to flinch.  
  
"Yeah. So, now that I have you lovely Marauder dears to cheer me up, what shall we do?"  
  
"Oh, I'd say the usual," Remus answered. "Go to Hogsmeade, torture some poor unsuspecting Slytherins, get drunk, goof off… You know, the stuff we always do…"  
  
"Fun, fun!" Lily clapped her hands, then glared at some watching second years. Just then Peter joined them, so they made their way to the wizarding village(It's Saturday and a Hogsmeade day).  
  
When they reached Hogsmeade, Lily pointed at a clothing store.  
  
"I NEED some new clothes!"  
  
"Uh-uh, I'm not going in there!" Sirius yelled, but it was too late. Lily was already dragging the four boys toward the shop.  
  
"Lily, you've tried on like the entire shop!" Remus whined. James was pounding on the dressing room door.  
  
"Are you done yet?" The door flew open and James' fist nearly smashed into Lily's nose. She ducked and walked out of the dressing room.  
  
"Do you like these pants?"  
  
Peter, who had been inspecting some robes, turned around looking horrified. "WHAT? YOU HAVE CHEESE IN YOUR PANTS?"  
  
"No, silly, I asked if you liked these pants. Honestly, get your ears checked, mate. Now, do you?"  
  
"Do I what?"  
  
"DO YOU LIKE THESE PANTS?"  
  
"Yes, they're magnificent, wonderful, stunning, now can we go?" Sirius pleaded.  
  
"I suppose so. Let me just pay for these."  
  
Lily changed back into her normal pants with only one incident of Remus peaking ("Pampers!" "No, you git, it's string bikini!")  
  
James, however, was deep in thought. He had just had a great breakthrough in the world of stating the obvious. He had just realized Lily was a girl. Now, I know what you all are thinking, that he thought she was a boy, or a hermaphrodite, but I mean that he realized she was a member of the opposite sex, and was a good-looking member at that.  
  
He finally saw her for, not just another Marauder, but someone that he could be, and was beginning to think he was attracted to.  
  
When they finally made it to the three broomsticks, Sirius had noticed something was wrong with James. Remus and Lily were flirting, and Peter was chatting up a Slytherin girl.  
  
"Jamie! Whatssamatter? You're zoning out on me, mate! You can tell ol' Padfoot!"  
  
"I'm in love."  
  
"Whoa, bit of a shock, but I can handle it. With who?"  
  
"Lily."  
  
"Wait, WHAT? Operator, repeat please! Excuse me?"  
  
"I'm in love. With Lily."  
  
"When did this happen?"  
  
"Just now."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay."  
  
James watched rather jealously as Remus whispered something in Lily's ear, making her laugh.  
  
"Prongs, just go over there and talk to her!" What's the worst that could happen?"  
  
"She could hate me."  
  
"True, but she could also be desperately in love with you!"  
  
"Right."  
  
James walked over to where Lily and Remus sat.  
  
"Hey guys," he said. They greeted him. Remus spotted a tall Ravenclaw girl that he had a crush on.  
  
"You must excuse me, dearest Lily, James. I am called by the unmistakable rays of Eva Rowan." (a.n I know she's in my other story, but too bad).  
  
"So, Lily…" James racked his brains for something to say. "You're hot, would you like some fruity juice?"  
  
Lily, who was in the middle of reapplying her black lipstick, burst out laughing.  
  
"That was *so* corny! But, sure I would, if you're buying."  
  
James grinned in relief. "Of course; I would not let the lady pay!"  
  
He ordered two fruit punches for himself and Lily. Sirius was sitting at the bar between two blondes James recognized from Hufflepuff. Peter had gotten the girl he had chatted up earlier to dance with him and was making her laugh at how bad a dancer he was. James wanted to give Lily something, but he didn't know what. He tried to transfigure a glass into a teddy bear, but he was so nervous, it turned into a pig instead. Lily cracked up. Finally after he had transfigured the glass about three more times (Poof! Mexican jumping beans! Poof! A baseball!), he ended up with a small teddy bear.  
  
Lily's eyes grew wide. "I love teddy bears!" she squealed. James grinned. He had been afraid she wouldn't like it. She hugged the bear as Sirius came over, grinning like a maniac, a girl on each arm.  
  
"James, Lily, I'd like you to meet Alicia and Alexia," Sirius slurred. The girls smiled widely. Sirius laughed, then hiccuped. James glanced at Lily nervously.  
  
"Erm, Sirius, how much have you had to drink? Caffeine? Alcohol?"  
  
"Only a few bottles," Sirius said. "I punch they swear the spiked!" he suddenly yelled. The blonde Hufflepuffs giggled.  
  
"What?" James was extremely confused.  
  
"He means, 'I swear they spiked the punch,'" Lily said. "He's totally gone." Lily grinned. "You girls will take good care of Sirius, won't you?" Lily asked the Hufflepuffs sweetly. They giggle again and nodded. As they walked away, dragging Sirius with them, Lily added, "Cuz if you don't, I will hang you up by your thumbs…" She glowered darkly after the three, chugging a bottle of caffinated butterbeer.  
  
"Lily, I…" James started to say, but he was interrupted as Remus ran by, screaming. A pack of rabid Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were chasing him. One girl managed to get a hold of his robes, and they other girls squealed when Remus' neon green, orange and pink boxers were revealed.  
  
"Flying spandex!" Lily exclaimed happily. James glanced at her. How many drinks had he bought for her?  
  
"Help me! James, Lily, anybody!" Remus yelled as he passed their table and ran out the door, the girls close behind. Lily collapsed in a fit of giggles.  
  
"Look at me, I'm a flying emu!" Lily was drunk, James was sure of it.  
  
"Lils, I…" James again, but was interrupted a second time, as Madame Rosmerta came over with another butterbeer.  
  
"Have you heard about You-Know-Who lately? Terrible, the things that he's done…" she said somberly.  
  
"Never fear!" Lily had jumped up onto the table. "James and I will defeat that stinker, Oldie Moldy Voldie! We will, together, bring him to his ruin! He's a stupid git, a brainless, ugly old wanker, a---!" Lily nearly fell off the table, but James caught her. She started singing "I Can't Get No! Satisfaction!" with a few Bulgarian words thrown in. (a.n I think that's an old rock song!) James paid for the drinks, and carried Lily outside.  
  
"Lily, I…" He was interrupted for a third time as Lily exclaimed,  
  
"That was a wonderful prank you played!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Yesterday, when you made the entire school sprout purple bunny ears and tap-dance on the tables!"  
  
"Erm, yes, thank you… Now Lily, listen to me!" Lily looked up at James, surprised. "Lils, I am in love with you!"  
  
"Huh?" Lily's eyes shot open and she grinned up at him.  
  
"I am in love with you, Lily Evans!" James said.  
  
"Ya' know what? James, I think I'm in love with you."  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
"No! I'm Lily! (a.n soooorry, I had to throw that in there) But, I think I love you, too!"  
  
"Are you just saying that cuz you're drunk, or do you mean it?"  
  
"I mean it, Jamesie!" Lily seemed sober enough. She leaned over and kissed James on the nose. Then, she fell asleep. James grinned, picked her up, and carried her up to Gryffindor Tower, where he tucked her into her bed, kissed her on the nose, and went to help Remus escape the clutches of rabid females.  
  
A/N: So, there you are, a little story by yours truly. I had a lot of fun writing it, so please read and review! 


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